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Inner Child Healing and Finding Inner Peace
Our Inner Child
I’m going to assume you are not familiar with your inner child (Please excuse me if you are), so I will take a few lines to explain what this means and how this part of you affects your life.
Imagine for a moment a child sitting with you. They are around 5 years old, maybe a little older, maybe a little younger. This child has her/his own wisdom, fears and world view. They have the ability to feel scared, vulnerable or brave. They have already formed an opinion of their world based on their own limited experiences. This is your inner child, the part of you that stayed young, innocent and all too often suffering.
How was your childhood?
Even if you had a “perfect” childhood, this time is often a time when we have no personal power and are at the mercy of the adults in our world. Whilst many times these adults will be well meaning, they don’t necessarily know what’s best for our hearts and minds. They did the best that they knew how, but underneath they are themselves hurt little inner children in an adult’s body. We all have experiences that leave us with scars. So the inner child in all of us carries these scars and they continue to show up in our adult life until we address them.
We may grow older but are really just hurt little boys or girls trying to make important decisions in an adult body. How can we possibly understand the rules of the adult world? We are stumbling from bad decision to confusing decision and judging ourselves all the while. Although we think we are independent, too often we are really feeling scared, alone and inferior. We compare ourselves to others constantly as this is a natural way for a child to develop their place in their own society, but we always come out losing.
Inside, we are a child trying to get by in an adult world. Where is our supervision and our guidance and our protection? For those of us that have been severely abused in our child hood it can lead to extreme physiological conditions such as multiple personalities. These circumstances are tragic. Even for the most of us who haven’t been ‘badly treated’, a wounded inner child leads to unfulfilled lives, disappointment and frustration.
So why don’t we just deal with these Inner Child wounds and move on?
It is natural to do whatever it takes to avoid pain. It is our instinct to survive and more often than not inner child work is confronting and painful. So it makes sense we don’t want to look there for answers. This important aspect of ourselves will continue to hurt and disrupt our adult lives until we pay them the attention they need.
As Bernie explains: whatever happened to us under the age of 7 years gets locked into our sub-conscious memory. So we make a vow, a promise, that ‘when we grow up, we will give our family and friends everything we never had’. We give our children more than we ever received. We will never allow others to feel the way we did back then and it’s automatic replay without you stopping it.
How we treat ourselves
Sadly, we often ignore – or even worse – continue to abandon this vulnerable part of ourselves. We try to run away and distract ourselves with alcohol, food and other stimulation such as television and socialising. Worse still, addictions keep us away from the healing we need within. In this day and age, we don’t ever have to really be with ourselves if we choose not to. But then we may never heal our inner child. And we may never know what we could have become.
Our inner child will dictate our view on the world, our relationships, even our communication skills. When we berate ourselves for making the wrong choices, over indulging or just generally stuffing up in our lives we are berating that vulnerable part of ourselves. He/she is just a little one and needs love and guidance to be able to reassess their world and make choices that are in harmony with our greater being. How can they do that when they are constantly being told off? How ever you treat and negatively talk to yourself is how the world will treat you as well, this is how we are our own worst enemy.
It’s not your fault
It’s not our fault. For most of us, we don’t even realise it is our inner child we are scolding. We just give ourselves a hard time and move on and as a consequence not realising we are making the situation worse. So often we had parents that didn’t have the ability to love themselves, let alone a child. They did all they knew how to do: they did what their parents did and so the cycle continued.
Healing the Inner child
If you really want to heal hurts from the past, inner child work is by far the most effective way to heal, release and move into the present. We need to take the time to communicate, accept and learn to love that part of ourselves we had forgotten or did not want to know about. Our inner child will often be feeling shame and guilt. He or she will have trouble trusting themselves, as every decision they make gets criticized. We wouldn’t leave a five year old to make decisions about our wellbeing and lifestyle, yet until we heal, this is exactly what we are doing. When we heal, we take the target off the child that is magnetically attracting the negative experience towards us, to get us to learn the lesson. Instead we fight the enemy on the outside when in fact we should be making peace with the child within, who has become the resistant enemy to get your attention.
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Acceptance and Love are the tools we need
Back to that vulnerable five year old. If we really had a small child sitting on our lap, in tears and afraid, what would we do? We would communicate through gentle encouragement, through love and through compassion. Healing the past becomes a pleasure as we reconnect to our most precious and beautiful inner child. Our lives will feel more present, more playful and so much easier as our inner child comes to trust and experience the joy of living in a safe environment.
They provide our joy, our delight and our playful nature. This important work on ourselves can lead to releasing the feelings of abandonment or even terror and allow the child to blossom and help us with our current lives. With balance in our whole being we can become all we want to be and aspire to be. Our lives will feel simpler, more productive and definitely more fun without the conflict we have with this vital part of ourselves.
What can you expect?
Some of the results people experience is as simple as weight loss through to stopping addiction and living a more fulfilled life. Clarity of thoughts, job satisfaction and better relationships can be the result of healing the inner child.
Through simple techniques that are taught through Bernie’s Inner Child Coaching we learn to do the inner child work required to move on from the pain and towards a healing future full of hope and abundance of what we were lacking.